The New Sex-Ed/ Or Why You Should Squirrel Away Some Of That Allowance For Your Old Age

Now that the internet makes children sexually aware by about, say 4 years old, sex-ed in school is probably outdated.

What they should replace it with, however, is a sort of….‘Breeding Dysphoria’ seminar to prepare youngsters for the weirdness of their late-20s.  Because unless all of their friends are drug-addicts, or unless they have children themselves, it will start to feel a bit weird. No one told me about this when I was in school, and frankly, I could have used a good 13 years or so to prepare.

This course could have topics like ‘Shortly Before You Turn 28, You Will Feel Like Everyone In The World Has Children, But You–What To Do Next!’ or, ‘When Your Friends Become Parents But You Still Feel Like A Child, Does That Mean That They Can Look After You?’ or what about ‘ ‘But I DO Want A Dog:’ Fighting Assumptions That Your Search For A Pet Is A Thinly-Disguised Desire To Have Children’… part II of which could be ‘2 Legs Too Many: How To Tell When It’s Time For A Child And Not A Dog’ and so forth…yes, many options, as you can see.

Instead of that ‘egg-baby’ project that they typically assign where they make you carry around a hard-boiled egg for a week to learn what it’s like to be a teenaged parent, they could make you write a page-long statement each night before you go to bed about what you live for, what your goals are, who you suppose will take care of your in your old age, etc.

Well. I think it beats a video on chlamydia.

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3 Comments on “The New Sex-Ed/ Or Why You Should Squirrel Away Some Of That Allowance For Your Old Age”

  1. mcrobot Says:

    haha! brilliant! ‘When Your Friends Become Parents But You Still Feel Like A Child, Does That Mean That They Can Look After You?’ is a frequent question that usually remains just-inarticulated below the surface of my mid-20s flounderings. (though, having recently returned to a land where Chardonnay is an acceptable name for a childperson, perhaps sex-ed should be continued in schools if only to teach them that ‘Chlamydia’ is not an interesting or acceptable choice of name for one’s future child). could the preparatory course for late-20s comportment regarding others’ childbearing also include: ‘I’m Really Not Judging Your Choice So Please Don’t Misread My Life As Judging Your Choice Because Then I Feel Judged And I Don’t Want To Judge You For Doing That, So Yeah We’re All Cool And Clear On That, Right?’ I mean, it at least be an elective course for advanced studies in late-twenties-ism.
    much love to you and your brilliantblog.
    xxx

  2. salty wisdom Says:

    CLEARLY I have found my course co-sponsor. ‘I’m Really Not Judging Your Choice So Please Don’t Misread My Life As Judging Your Choice Because Then I Feel Judged And I Don’t Want To Judge You For Doing That, So Yeah We’re All Cool And Clear On That, Right?’is a very important topic and should by no means be omitted from the syllabus.
    Living for the moment in a place where names go through a vetting process, I tend to forget the dangers that lie in other people’s imaginations. ‘Here Be Dragons’ indeed! I can see someone now, thinking ‘Chlamydia Chardonnay Macintosh—so elegant!’ But still, I feel those questions should be left to the public health nurse. Ours is a subtler territory, methinks…


  3. Other suggested readings:
    ‘Polite Replies to the Smug Statement “You Can’t Know How It Feels” and Other Dinner Party Topics to Avoid With New Parents’
    ‘Don’t be THAT Couple: Avoiding Clichéd Craigslist Postings When You Want To Ditch Your Dog(s) After Having Your First Child.’
    ‘Childless Couples’ Burden: What to do with an Extra $300,000?’


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