A Little Too Much Share-ing

I find it very hard to accept that my worldview is not viewed throughout the world, if you know what I mean (and according to the first part of that sentence, I would be inclined to think that you do…). I should, however, clarify (and in clarifying, contradict the above statement) that rather than seeing my perspective as superior, I believe I err by considering my perspective to be ubiquitous. I’m not seeing anything special, I’m just looking at what’s there. Classic mistake!

& in so doing, I guess that you could say I ‘project’. Maybe this happens because I chew on things so much that it’s hard for me to believe that you don’t know how they taste.
I also try to anticipate the feelings of others, and the combined effects of analysis of what is and speculation on what could be can be crippling.
And lately, I’m feeling lame.

When I read about a crime, for example, I will often ponder the emotional state (imagining in particular the choking remorse) of the criminal before I consider that of the victim. I put myself in the shoes of the wrongdoer. Then I feel like still more of a wrongdoer for thinking of the criminal before than the victim. I’m annoying that way.

It was once observed of me that I move through the world as if I were on trial. Constantly handing the power to affirm or condemn to people around me. Maybe that’s why I think so much about the emotional experience of the criminal.
Incidentally, if you cause pain to someone else then you can’t control that pain. If someone else causes you pain, what happens with that pain is to some degree in your own hands. So maybe it’s the control thing, again.
But if that’s the case, then why am I constantly handing control of my well-being over to others? Others who haven’t even asked for it! This would seem to be where it gets embarrassing…

It’s like I’m a stock or something–a girl gone public. Anyone can access my perspective as it’s a publicly-held quantity. My value rises and falls according to what’s going on around me.

Shit. I think I’m having an economic crisis……

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