The Elegance Without: Mastering a Refined Lack of Judgement

I consider some small deficit of practicality in one’s nature to be key to a well-rounded personality.
Example: The persistent wearing of heels during periods of snow and ice on the ground.

Personal amusement may be found in discovering unexpected ways to explain or justify these impractical life choices.
Example: The focus of pressure on the spike heel causes it to sink into the snow, forming a natural anchor with every step!

*sigh* In fact I remember how, in my early years of university, I had a particularly impractical way of making an early morning class on 2 hours sleep and a hangover.
First of all I’d insist on setting my alarm to the normal time–I was going to need the standard prep time and then some to make this carcass shine! Then I’d design my outfit around the spikiest, bitchiest stilletos in my closet. Wearing them out–sometimes still a little drunk–I was forced to be aware of every move I made. No sloppy shuffle for this delinquent; it was heel-toe, heel-toe all the way from ass to class!
My method never let me down: I abhorred (and still do) the idea of my social life getting in the way of my responsabilities. Because it’s all fun and games until someone sleeps in…*shudder*

Unfortunately, it is not always so clear where, exactly one should draw the line between a small deficit of practicality and an excessive one.
Example: The persistent wearing of heels during periods of snow and ice on the ground, and attempting in such conditions and with the same footwear to ride a bicycle.

This can lead to uncomfortable reminders of the results of excessively absent practicality.
Example: Attempting to brake on a busy street when–having known your hand-brakes were frozen and that you would need to rely on the foot brakes–you find that the pedals of your bike are also stiff and resistant to backwards motion–forcing you to abort into a low snowbank.

You might have been able to put your foot down and slow things sufficiently without falling, but the stilettos compromised your balance a little too much! As a way of imprinting–deeply–on your brain just how ill-advised your choices were, you manage on your way down to scratch one leg with the long, sharp heel that brings to an elegant climax the line of your other (falling) limb.

As you sit assessing your surroundings from the snowbank you feel that you have fully absorbed the difference between a small, refined deficit of practicality and a full, blubbering void of common sense. You lift yourself up, and drag your bike up onto the cleared portion of the sidewalk, turning it towards home where you see now that it will have to stay for a little while longer. You are officially the type of person who is far too practical to ride their bike in the snow. Now that you’ve tried it.

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One Comment on “The Elegance Without: Mastering a Refined Lack of Judgement”

  1. slt Says:

    Spike heels + snowbanks = salty wisdom

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